Boardroom news

Eyebrows were raised at last month’s OftW Zoomed Board meeting when Colin Wight announced that he had spent 115% of the annual equipment budget on a guitar plectrum.

“It’s not an ordinary run-of-the-mill sort of pick,” said Mr Wight. “It’s made from Jimi Hendrix’s ground-up metacarpals infused with Gibeon meteorite and bonded with pyramid-cured crystals that channels Jimi’s muscle memory into your own”.

“First you’ll have to find a muscle,” mused Lady Joanna Jingly-Smith, a remark which the Chair considered disrespectful – but not inappropriate.

“It will be a great investment, believe me,” blustered Mr Wight. Drinks were then served.


Eyebrows were raised at last week’s OftW zoomed board meeting when Bernard Hanaway announced that he had spent £420% of the annual investment budget on buying the rights to the entire back catalogue of the cult band’s cult band’s cult band’s cult band Nonchalant Sphincter. Often referred to – if at all – as the purgative proggers from Pangbourne, they were chiefly known, by hardly anyone, for playing their own version of Tales From Topographic Oceans entirely on traditional RAF marimbas.

“So what have you acquired?” was the not unreasonable question from the rest of the Board. It transpired that Nonchalant Sphincter did compose and record a concept album called Looking up God’s Nostril, which, sadly, was never released. 

“I thought we could do our own version,” suggested Mr Hanaway, “using traditional naval vibraslaps”. Drinks were then served.


No eyebrows were raised at yesterday’s zoomed OftW board meeting after it had, in an attempt to look a few months younger, voted unanimously to spend 3750% of the annual well-being budget on botox. It was not judged a success. There was nothing left in the drinks budget.

Published by oftweditor

Plays the guitar a bit

2 thoughts on “Boardroom news

  1. I’m still just doing a jigsaw after a few glasses of Rioja… I wish I understood what important corporate things were going on?
    It does sound hugely impressive, I must say! X

    Liked by 1 person

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